Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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