Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
