Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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