and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
