I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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