Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
