I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
