I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
