I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I need to sanitize my soul.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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