You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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