i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
