i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
