i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
