if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
