Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
