shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
