I bet he comes in French.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
