Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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