wat bout pragnant strippers??
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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