I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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