I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
