i think my tv is drunk
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
