Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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