Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If that was your dad, he is hot
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
