please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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