so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
