Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
