Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
