I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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