Say something about gay babies.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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