i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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