it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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