Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
you had me at cake vodka
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
