They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
