its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
