what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Randomize
