Taylor Swift is so right about you.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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