i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
