Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
