I accidentally had phone sex last night
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
