I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
