Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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