I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
