Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
