I accidentally had phone sex last night
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
