Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
