New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
