I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
