Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
where does the pee come out of this thing
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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