Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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