Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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