Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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