Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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