Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Randomize
