i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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