she takes plan B like it's going out of style
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
